What Going To A Sex Club Is Actually Like

How cool: Ford is building a Batmobile

The car manufacturer Ford is returning to its revolutionary roots as illustrated by a series of new, eyebrow-raising patents. OK, Henry Ford’s first revolution, the perfecting of mass production via assembly lines, plumbed new levels of human alienation and paved the way for an ecological nightmare. But the new stuff looks fun.

There’s a car with a detachable motorcycle stored inside it. They’re actually building a Batmobile. Admittedly, the concept vehicle sketched in the patent is a hatchback and the motorbike is more of an electric bicycle. It’s hard to imagine Christian Bale looking Byronic while parallel-parking a Ford Focus and then giving the authorities the slip on his electric Brompton. But you have to walk before you can fly.

Another new piece of Ford technology lets blind people enjoy the scenery. “Feel the View” is a system of haptic feedback, translating the aspect outside the glass into a grayscale representation of more than 250 shades – each embedded with a different vibration level. Helped by some spoken-word context, visually impaired passengers can feel the window to “see” what is happening outside. Sounds magical for a road trip around the Colorado Rockies, or if you’re being taken up the Cairngorms; essentially a jagged line with the occasional plunge, like a graph of the economy. The real test will be in cities. Imagine the sophistication and detail of a system that might finally allow blind people to see a cyclist flipping them the bird, a Pret a Manger every 14 yards – or a rush-hour gridlock of commuters, apoplectic with rage because there are too many cars in the world. Brings a tear to the eye.

Tasty brown butterscotch fudge … Photograph: Alamy

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Expectation: I’ll Hook Up With Someone

Whether it’s my husband or someone else, that’s kind of the whole point of the place, right? Naturally, we have set up rules before entering this, as any couple who doesn’t want to break up in the center of the dance floor needs to do. We know what is and isn’t off-limits and we both have the right to say “let’s leave” on a moment’s notice and then we’ll hightail it outta there. That said, even with all of the unsexy and very rigorous boundaries in place, the whole point of this (other than internet fame and bringing shame to my parents) is to get laid. If I’m shelling out that much money for overpriced drinks and bad dance music, you better believe I’m going to get weird. 

The Naked Show

The Creek and Cave

The Naked Show is pretty much exactly what it sounds like — comedians stand up on stage to bare all… literally. The free, quarterly standup show at this Long Island City bar is for New York’s bravest comedians and audience members. No sex is actually allowed DURING the show, but whatever happens after is completely up to you.

Figure out Your Own Rules, Too

If you’re going solo or with a friend, think about what activities you’d feel comfortable participating in. A sex club is not a once-in-a-lifetime experience; you can always go back. Don’t pressure yourself to do anything before you feel ready. If you’re feeling nervous, you can decide that you’ll only watch the first time, or only engage in a little light petting. Plenty of people take it slow their first few times.

If it’s your first time going to a sex club with your partner, you definitely want to have a lengthy conversation about what activities are on and off the table. For example:

  • Are you going to fool around together in front of an audience, or are you going to play with other people too?
  • Are you going to play together the whole time, or can you each slip off privately?
  • If you hook up with other people, what activities are you allowed or not allowed to do?
  • Are you leaving together, or with other people?

You should also decide on a safeword or signal that either of you can use if things are getting too intense or you simply need a breather. And it’s probably a good idea not to go to a sex club if you’re going through a rough patch in your relationship.

Familiarise Yourself with the Rules

Most people are surprised to learn that sex clubs are actually pretty regimented places. They’re not wild free-for-alls. If it’s a good sex club, the management cares about creating a safe, welcoming, sexy place for people to let loose, so they create detailed guidelines for club etiquette.

Most clubs will have a website where the rules are listed in detail. If not, you can always email or call the club and ask. In particular, you should find out:

  • If you need to bring anything, like a picture ID.
  • What the dress code is. Some clubs are strict about this.
  • If nudity is mandatory, or if you’re allowed to keep all or some of your clothes on.
  • What specific activities are and aren’t allowed. For example, some clubs won’t allow masturbation in certain places.
  • If different rules apply to different areas of the club. Sometimes certain areas will be designated play zones, and other areas are for socialising.
  • What you are and aren’t allowed to bring with you. For example, if you can bring your own toys.
  • If singles are allowed, or if it’s couples only.
  • If there’s a certain event or theme during the night you want to visit. You don’t want to be surprised by a bondage night if that’s not your thing.
  • If phones are allowed. Most places will ask you to check them, or will cover your camera lenses.

Some clubs even give tours or meet-and-greets for newbies, so you may want to ask about that too.

Bowery Bliss

Nolita

Bowery Bliss is a classic swingers club — no bells, whistles, secret passwords, or photo uploads. Instead, you’ll find a dimly lit den with plenty of plush seating, candles, lounge beds, and private corners for stowing away into the wee hours. The club is open to all couples looking to play, swap, or make new friends. Anyone and everyone are welcome, so long as they are over 21.

Expectation: Sex Clubs Will Become My New Thing

Considering my love of attention and my thirst for anything taboo, I have a feeling that once I step foot into my first sex club, I’ll want to keep coming again and again and again. Yeah, yeah—pun fully intended. 

BuzzFeed Daily: Is this like mostly couples, or do single people go?

HL: Usually it’s couples, but then who really wants to go are single men — the stereotype is true. And so they’re charged a huge amount of money to go. If a single man wants to go, he has to pay like three times as much and then single women will be free because they’re like unicorns. But usually it’s a lot of couples, and there’ll be some single man. Single women are rare, but when I see them, I’m like, “Hello, hey girl, hashtag feminism.” I’m so happy to see single women there.

Myth #2: You MUST Have Sex in a Sex Club

Nope!

You never HAVE to have sex, ever, of course, and this applies at a sex club, too.

Plenty of people go to sex clubs just to do a little light messing around.

Also, whoever you hook up with at a sex club might want to set limits.

A conversation is all it takes to make sure everyone has fun and stays comfortable.

If you want to decline an encounter, you can politely say no. That’s totally normal at sex clubs.

But you can also say yes. 😉

Myth #4: If You Hookup in a Sex Club, It Has to Be In Public

False. Sex clubs can be so much more than a public hookup, or a space to fulfill some kind of “kink.”

Lots of clubs have special areas, or events, created for different fantasies.

This is extra true if you’re into exhibitionism (being watched while having sex), or voyeurism (watching others have sex).

Some clubs have actual “viewing platforms” for people who are into this.

Other clubs are designed for people with certain fetishes.

And other clubs, still, are for people who are otherwise completely “normal” sexually, and just want to have sex in a new space with a new person.

Check out local clubs to find one that offers what you’re into.

Getting involved is as simple as searching online to learn about sex clubs in your area.

Read some online reviews to learn the details and find a vibe you like.

Keep an eye out for “newbies” nights—many clubs offer events for new people, to make everything less overwhelming!

Next, how does a guy prepare to go to a sex club?

Not too tricky, actually.

Researchers found that most men at sex clubs dressed as if they were on a date.

Unless your local club has a special theme, you can usually just show up wearing night club attire.

(I’m gonna go out on a limb and suggest you bring some condoms. Because, I mean, it’s a sex club.)

If any of this sounds fun to you, why not give it a try?

A sex club could be a good way to get out of a rut.

It could lead to your next regular fling, or even relationship.

Which brings me to the final myth about sex clubs… and it’s one of the most commonly believed by men all over the world:

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