How to Tell If You’re Oversharing (and How to Stop It)

What’s wrong with oversharing?

Too much oversharing can have serious consequences, as psychotherapist Amy Morin writes in Forbes:

You might put yourself in physical danger by revealing too much to the wrong person. You could alienate people who feel uncomfortable by the amount of personal information you share. And recounting your problems to people who don’t have your best interest in mind may lead them to take advantage of you.

Even if you have the best of intentions, oversharing doesn’t actually promote healthy relationships, according to licensed marriage and family therapist Nicole Arzt. Instead, oversharing “tends to make other people feel awkward…they might feel pressure to ‘match’ the sharing, which may cause discomfort and resentment.”

So, how can you identify the line around sharing too much, and how can you stop yourself from crossing it?

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How To Stop Oversharing

Recognize That You Are Feeling Unheard

Once you have a habit of oversharing, you may want to get it all out, and when you are unable to do so, you feel unheard. The best way to cope with it is to write it down. 

Next time you feel tempted to share something, write it down on your note. Get everything out of your system, your rage, hurt, insecurities, joyful moment, pain- all of it.

Think of it as an alternative source to channel your emotions. Instead of oversharing really or virtually, consider that putting down your ideas might sometimes also help alleviate some tension.

Topics That Are Considered ‘Taboo’ Should Be Avoided

It is an important point to keep in mind if you have a habit of oversharing. Religion, politics, sex, and financial details are hotly debated and emotionally charged subjects. 

Unless you’re very close with someone, it’s best not discuss these inappropriate topics. You don’t have to avoid them entirely, but you might want to think twice about discussing them with someone you’ve just met.

Increase Your Active Listening Skills

Being an active listener focuses on your partner rather than yourself. While active listening, you listen to comprehend and connect with them instead of just being there.

As active listeners pay attention to social signs, they are less likely to overshare. Furthermore, they also can sense when someone is feeling uneasy.

Establish a Specific Sharing Space, Such as a Trusted Partner

Some people become major tell-alls due to their anxiety and loneliness; as a result, they start disclosing their intimate facts with anyone. This is a big NO!

If you don’t have anyplace else to vent your feelings, you can take them out on anyone who appears to be listening. A close and trustworthy friend or partner could be this person.

Make a List of Your Thoughts

We’ve all been guilty of oversharing with ou

We’ve all been guilty of oversharing with our friends, bugging our partners, or being overly friendly with someone we’ve just met. Journaling is one of the most effective ways to end this problem.

Writing down our ideas is a good way to tune in to ourselves emotionally. Journaling can assist you in putting things into context.

When You’re Feeling Particularly Emotional, Stay Away From Social Media

We’ve encountered some chronic over-sharers on social media in this fast-paced digital age. Oversharing is possible with both friends and strangers, both online and offline. 

If you have an oversharing problem and want to share news on social media, do so when you aren’t feeling very passionate about the subject. Check the intensity of your emotions and share the information only when you’re calm.

Increase Your Mindfulness Practice

Most of us spend excessive time ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. On the other hand, when you’re present, you’re more likely to be calm and attentive.

Practicing mindfulness will also assist in educating your brain to be more brief and clear in your communication. Likewise, it will teach you how to enforce your limits.

Request Someone to Hold You Accountable

You can ask someone you trust to remind you when you share too much. It can be your close friend, lover, or a family member who is aware of your problem. You can make things even easier by creating a code word that they can use to give you signals.

Of Course, There’s Therapy

Okay, if none of these tips helped you, you can always visit a therapist to seek help. A licensed or professional therapist will provide you with a better vision of putting an end to your oversharing problem.

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3. Politics and Religion

Let’s say you’re canvassing for an important political cause this weekend. Great work. You’re getting involved in the process, making your voice heard, and using your free time to make a difference. But what if your Head of Operations sees that same cause a different way? People are really passionate about their beliefs and they tend to be divisive in an office setting. You might consider leaving these deeply personal topics for your personal life.

7 Common Types of Oversharing

So, is there a hard-and-fast definition of oversharing? Nothing is set in stone. But take a look at a few of the most common overshares. That’ll give you a good idea of topics where you might want to tread lightly and show a little bit of discretion.

Recovering After Oversharing

Sure, you may not realize when you are going with the flow, and there is no one stopping you from talking, but later on, you might feel that shame and guilt for saying too much. So, how do you cope after oversharing?

The important thing is to deal with it and move on–quickly. Change the subject, lighten the mood, and don’t beat yourself out for something already out of your control.

When You Have an Oversharing Attack, Is That Oversharing a Coping Mechanism?

In my opinion, yes. As Natasha has said before about her own inability to stop oversharing in the past, “oversharing is an involuntary, rapidly-growing-in-real-time response to un dealt-with trauma.”

How to recover from oversharing

Make it right

When you find yourself opening the floodgates with a date, Ms. Fine recommended saying something like, “Oh dear, I have no idea why I blurted that out. Forgive me.” “The key is to acknowledge you’ve overshared and throw the conversation ball back,” she said.

Lighten the mood

Give a warm smile or make a joke. Do something that indicates “that you understand that they’re not just there to be overshared with,” Ms. Jackson said. As a guideline, Ms. Jackson said we should aim to share three positive things — how you learned to knit a scarf, how you mastered a TikTok dance routine, how you finally streamed “Citizen Kane” — for every negative one. This will help keep the discussion from becoming too gloomy.

Bridge the conversation or change the subject

Once you’ve recovered your composure, it’s up to the oversharer to restore balance, said Ms. Fine. She recommended saying something like, “Well, I’ve told you a lot about what’s happening in my family. Fill me in on what’s happening with yours.”You can also change the subject altogether, she said. Say, “So anyway, what have you been watching?”

Why Trauma Dumping Can Push People Away

While sharing traumatic experiences can be helpful, if you trauma dump incessantly to garner attention or sympathy, Moffa says people may become immune to it. 

“We have to be careful that we are not sharing deeply personal information, while looking for people to respond over and over again with the same level of sympathy and concern,” she says. 

Doing so can push people away and encourage them to distance themselves because they may feel the following, notes Becker. 

  • Uncomfortable with hearing details about the trauma
  • Unsure how to respond appropriately to the traumatic experience
  • Resentment and frustration toward you for not realizing your trauma could affect their life 

Moffa says those who trauma dump are usually people who feel alone and want to feel heard and validated, “but who also wind up isolating themselves further because they dump on people without…awareness, which in turn, creates more of a chasm for them. Connection is therefore, unfortunately, never reached, although it's what they yearn for most.” 

Are Your Friends Emotionally Draining You?

Stop Oversharing Stylists Gossip

I gained this lesson at the salon because of gossip. That’s right, I got burned, baby. My own flapping yap did it to me. I can’t blame a “hair artist” for sharing my stories. They’re fantastic stories! I didn’t make anyone sign a non-disclosure agreement. In fact, I’ve never asked a stylist to keep a story secret. I cared only about my tawdry tales. I’ve always been this way.

When I was a kid I’d sit at the way back of the yellow school bus. Many small town compadres gathered around for my anxious, whispered dirty stories. These were as dirty as a second grader can be. Let’s just say I had a gratuitous imagination and little experience. So, my filthy sex stories mostly involved a woman with a gigantic bush and the men who genuinely loved her. Still, they were much appreciated. Sometimes I even got applause. My yellow bus popularity was the grade school status equal to that blue checkmark on social media. This didn’t encourage me to stop oversharing. Positive feedback never does.

Thing was, we were all in on this together. There was no third party hairstylist or authority present to spill our secret. So, why did I take the chance and spill at the salon? I knew it could get around. I’m aware of gossip’s inherent appeal. I’ve stood in line at a checkout and seen the mags. My likeliest motive = loneliness. Realizing that emotional truth nugget helped me finally quit my horrendous oversharing habit. There are healthier ways to connect. I already knew them, actually. First step was sticking to ’em.

Is oversharing a defense mechanism?

Oversharing is a habit many of us experience from time to time, particularly during seasons of great emotional stress or trauma. Oversharing is a coping mechanism, a trauma response, and also a habit that can negatively affect our reputation and our relationships.

Is oversharing manipulative? Psychological manipulators are often what they call emotional vampires or parasites. … They start with oversharing and then suck you into their hole of emotions. They probably do this because they feel that they lessened the pressure on themselves when they share it with their environment.

Is oversharing a symptom of bipolar?

Oversharing. It can be hard to process and filter the constant thoughts, heightened feelings, and energy levels of a manic episode. This can sometimes result in feeling unable to stop oneself from sharing random or inappropriate compulsive thoughts, even in serious situations.

What is an Oversharer? 1. someone who tends to give other people too much information or inappropriate information about themselves, especially online.

Why you should not Overshare at work?

But sharing too much private information about your life, feelings about your job, and other sensitive subjects can be a breach of workplace etiquette. Your workmates may feel uncomfortable, and it could end up being harmful to your career. Another thing to consider, workplaces are competitive places.

How do you talk to a needy person? Here are four steps you can take to manage a team with an emotionally needy member.

  1. Test the person’s awareness. …
  2. Be direct about your emotional boundaries. …
  3. Treat needy people as if they are strong, not fragile. …
  4. Don’t allow gossip about a needy team member.

What is an emotional narcissist?

The Mayo Clinic research group defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as “a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.

What is covert narcissism? A covert narcissist is someone who craves admiration and importance as well as lacks empathy toward others but can act in a different way than an overt narcissist. When considering the behavior of narcissists, it might be hard to imagine how someone could be a narcissist and be inhibited in their approach and behavior.

What is an emotionally needy person?

An emotionally needy narcissist is typically selfish, emotionally unintelligent, and manipulative. These individuals have no idea who they are, who they want to be, or who they should be. Their identity is wavering, shallow, and unstable.

Why do needy people make me angry? Needy people develop stronger feelings of neediness because they are more easily triggered by fear, violence, disappointment, frustration, and sadness. They let those feelings affect their feelings, thoughts, and behavior and therefore are thought of as a “needy person.”

What are the signs of a needy man?

Here are 13 signs of a needy man that you’ll want to avoid, unless you want to deal with this type of guy.

  • He always misses you. …
  • He’s all over your social networks. …
  • He’s always talking to you. …
  • He wants to move things along quickly. …
  • He’s always sweet talking you. …
  • He gives ultimatums. …
  • His friends no longer exist.

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