How to Stop Being a Narcissist and Using People that Love You


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7. Work on your low self-esteem

What most people don’t know is that one of t

What most people don’t know is that one of the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder is an extremely fragile ego.

Yes, you appear to be so full of yourself and pretend that you have this huge self-esteem and the best possible self-image but actually, the truth is quite different.

The problem with NPD is that your confidence depends on other people’s opinions and you take advantage of others to get the praise you desperately need.

Seeking validation is actually your narcissistic supply, something you can’t function without.

Well, if you’re figuring out how to stop being a narcissist, the best way to do so is to start working on your low self-esteem.

However, I’m talking about different kinds of self-esteem here—about ones which are not related to your ego. It means improving your self image and the way you perceive yourself.

It means feeling good about yourself, without depending on what everyone else has to say.

2. Instead, try to empathise with their feelings

If you are with a narcissist in the first place, you probably already have a lot of empathy. But even the most caring people struggle to see the sense of having it for someone who is hurling insult after insult at them.

However, if you find yourself backed into a corner, one way to sooth a narcissist’s rage is to empathise with their feelings, and say something like: “You must have felt very hurt by what I did, I can understand why you are feeling that way.”

11. Stop putting others down

Another symptom of narcissism is the grandiosity,

Another symptom of narcissism is the grandiosity, sense of superiority and self-importance over everyone around you—your coworkers, best friends and closest family members.

A narcissistic trait is having this sense of entitlement and thinking you’re above everyone else, which often results in narcissistic abuse.

Actually, your sense of self-love comes from taking advantage of others and using your loved ones to give you compliments and make you feel like they’re below you.

Guess what? They’re not!

Even if you disagree with someone, that doesn’t make you smarter or more wise.

Even if you’re better looking or earn more money, you shouldn’t have this sense of entitlement and nor should you feel like you’re the privileged one.

Remember that we talked about empathy?

Well, the next time you try ruining someone’s self-confidence in order to get your narcissistic supply or feel that your sense of superiority is about to take over, wait a second and ask yourself how the victims of your narcissistic abuse feel.


Narcissistic personality disorder can occur in early adulthood and teenage. Because it is better that if you find any person who is dealing with narcissistic issues .

Then you can help them with understanding and best guidance.

Researchers think that there is no valid proof and factors that we can state as this is the real cause. Still, the real cause is not found.

But we have the cases in which the most pampering or overprotective children have NPD rather than those whose parenting is on the level.

So we don’t need to over pamper the child and let them do what they want to do. We should make arrangements for their activities so that they can freely move in the environment.

Some other factors that are neurobiological and genetically too.

Final Thoughts

Changing is difficult for anyone to do. It means accepting responsibility for your actions and making a conscious effort to confront the reasons for your negative behaviors. For narcissists, the problem is compounded by the fact that they have difficulty accepting even the slightest criticism for fear their flawed true self will be exposed and they will be abandoned by all around them. 

To implement long-lasting and effective changes in your covert narcissism, you need to have courage, you need to cultivate self-love, and you need to become aware of how your behaviors affect other people. It will be worth your while in the end because it will bring you the adulation you’ve desired all your life.

It’s critical to understand how important it is to change. Aside from the positive effects it will have in your relations with other people, it will also increase your longevity. You need to read this post about how narcissism affects your life expectancy. It will give you insight into just how devastating the negative impacts of narcissism can be for your health. 

–If you want more tips for dealing with narcissists, setting boundaries, and managing emotional triggers, make sure you subscribe to my youtube channel

What is the Root Cause of Narcissism?

Narcissism develops as a result of childhood experiences that cause the same trauma to a child’s developing sense of self. The parenting styles that can cause narcissism include emotionally abusive parents or overprotective parents. 

These might seem like two vastly different parenting styles, but they share one thing in common. They both result in a child who feels incapable and hopelessly flawed. Emotionally abusive parents tell the child they are flawed. They purposefully tear the child down and leave them full of shame and self-loathing. 

Overprotective parents might not tear their child down using words, but because they don’t let them make their own choices in life or even do anything for themselves, the child still comes to feel the same way about themselves. In both cases, the development of the child’s sense of self is arrested. 

The child is left with what they see as a flawed true self or ego. They are ashamed of it, and so, they bury it deep inside. In its place, they construct a false self and infuse it with child-like visions of what it means to be powerful and skillful. These are often over-the-top archetypes of omnipotence and omniscience. 

The false self, however, is not a functional identity mechanism, and it can’t soothe the child or prop up their self-esteem. For that, the child quickly learns they need the recognition and praise of other people. What’s more, that need is almost constant, and to fill that need, they turn to manipulation and control. 

Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

You have Narcissistic Personality Disorder if you:

  • think quite highly of yourself, like you’re the only important person in the world.
  • are self-entitled and feel that you deserve nothing but the best.
  • demand recognition even if you didn’t do anything to deserve it.
  • exaggerate your skills and achievements and brag about them excessively.
  • make everything about you.
  • use and manipulate people to get what you want.
  • unwilling to recognize and value the needs of others.

4. Don’t expect an apology

There’s no chance of the narcissist admitting to any wrongdoing or apologising. This includes asking them to process what really happened. According to Greenberg, a narcissist will not be comfortable with the idea that they started an argument over something trivial, so it’s best to just move on.

So, Can You Change From Being a Narcissist?

Can you stop being a Narcissist? Well, we’ve covered a lot of ground here! If there’s one conclusion I could draw from all of this, it’s that change is possible, but it will take time and a lot effort.

But if you’re willing to put in the work, and you stick to it long-term, there’s a better life on the other side, for you and for other people.

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Diagnostic Criteria 

Although the reason and cause are unknown of being narcissistic this condition is different from mania and substance use disorder and it is found on cluster B of the personality disorder in DSM.

The people with narcissistic people don’t believe that they have any mental disorder so they don’t seek any treatment like counseling and therapy, hence they think about themselves as a normal human being.

The term narcissistic personality is coined by psychoanalyst Robert Waelder, 1925. The term NPD is introduced by later Heinz Kohut   

The behaviors that we behold are sometimes pulled us in trouble so we don’t make out ways to get rid of rigid behaviors.

You have seen around some people who are behaving odd and eccentric or some belief that they should be worshipped by others. Their mindset has reached a split personality destination so they execute the behaviors like this.

But this is a universe where everything is not made without their solutions. If there are some behavioral deficits then we can make it normal.

Not any behaviors are so rigid if you are determined to change can also stop being narcissistic.

A person with a narcissistic personality disorder is not relaxed for a second because they are living an abnormal life that deviates them to do normal tasks and other stuff.

Although they get more attention still they feel uncomfortable.

How this one revelation changed my life

I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.

I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.

I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.

What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.

If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.

Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.

I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.

Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.

As the founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.

We do this through our free masterclasses.

One of the most powerful videos we have is on love and intimacy.  Rudá Iandê breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.

Check it out here. It’s already been watched by thousands of people, many of whom have contacted me directly to let me know the video has changed their lives.

It’s 100% free and there are no strings attached.

Here’s a link to the video again.

Underlying causes of narcissistic personality disorder

If you’re looking to discover how to stop be

If you’re looking to discover how to stop being a narcissist in a relationship, you may also be wondering about the underlying causes of this personality disorder. While no single cause explains narcissism, experts have some ideas about what can cause someone to develop a narcissistic personality disorder. 

One potential root cause of narcissism is childhood trauma. The research shows a link between childhood abuse and neglect and the development of narcissistic personality disorder. 

Other potential causes of narcissism are as follows:

  • Genetics
  • Problems in the parent-child relationship (ie: parent failing to meet child’s emotional needs)
  • Personality/temperament 
  • Structural differences in the brain 
  • Parental coldness or rejection
  • Overprotective or overindulgent parents

There is no perfect answer to what causes narcissistic personality disorder, but research and psychological theories do provide some insights. 

Genetic/biological, and social factors can contribute to the disorder. If you have genetic risk factors combined with a history of childhood abuse, you may develop a narcissistic personality disorder.

In some cases, the development of narcissism may be a reaction to severe abuse or rejection from parents. Presenting as highly arrogant and expecting special treatment and admiration from others may be a way for people to overcome the feelings of inferiority they develop when parents reject or abuse them.

Start with compassion

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic person, it’s not always easy to feel sympathy for them. One of the most common myths about narcissism is that it comes from having extremely high self-esteem, but the opposite is true. Most experts believe narcissism stems from fear and insecurity. Narcissism looks different in different people, so be careful not to assume the other person’s thoughts and feelings. This term isn’t a catch-all for all selfish acts, and it’s important that you both have the space to speak and be heard.

Being compassionate doesn’t mean that you should tolerate or enable this behavior, but it may help you handle the situation more calmly and respectfully. However, if someone is continually hurting you, emotionally or physically, exit the situation as safely as possible and seek help.

Can You Stop Being a Narcissist?

So what’s the prognosis? Can you change from being a narcissist?

Well, compared to other conditions, the research on treatment for narcissism is pretty sparse.

There are no well-studied treatment approaches with proven success, and there are no medications that are recommended for the treatment of NPD. It is well-known to be a difficult condition to treat.

However, that’s not to say there is no hope, and there have been a number of positive results. Let’s look through the options available to you.

Make yourself a priority

Centering yourself can be difficult in these situations, but it helps you create and manage boundaries to ensure your wellbeing is a priority. Sometimes, being in a relationship with someone who has NPD (or someone who exhibits traits of narcissism) can feel like a one-way street. You must learn the stop giving so much, as this only enables their selfishness more. People with NPD often think highly of themselves, and they expect others to do the same, placing their immediate needs above yours.

Instead, set a boundary for how much you’re able to give to your partner, set aside time to focus on yourself, and make decisions based on what’s in your best interest, not your partner’s.