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Funny Fathers Day Jokes Thatll Crack Him Up
Father and son humor and father and daughter humor can be the cornerstones of any family. In that regard, father jokes or jokes about dads are a great way to entertain your family members on any given day. Here's a list of some of the best happy father's day humor to let your father know that he is the best dad.
1. When does a dad joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
2. What did the daddy buffalo say to its son before it left for school? Bison.
3. What would you call your dad when he falls through the ice? A pop-sicle!
4. What's the fundamental difference between a bad joke and a dad joke? The first letter.
5. What did the famous actor tell his dad when they ran into each other at a multiplex? You are the reel deal, dad.
6. Why did the golfer ask his son to pack an extra pair of socks for him? Because he would need a change of socks if he got a hole in one.
7. What did the farmer's son write on the father's day card he gave to his dad? Dad, you are simply the best, you can't be beet, and I do love you from my head tomatoes.
8. Why is taco's dad extra special? Because he is definitely nacho your ordinary dad.
9. What did the espresso tell his father on father's day? Hey dad, when I grow up, I hope I am a latte like you.
10. What did the golfer's son tell him when his father on the eve of the golf tournament? I think you'll do great, dad, you are tee-riffic.
11. Why did the crab family decide to eat out on the occasion of father's day? Because they wanted to shellebrate the happy occasion.
12. What did the science teacher tell his father after the physics class? You are the greatest father I know; my frame of reference is limited.
13. What did the little car say to his father on father's day? You have geared me towards greatness.
14. What did the junior bartender tell his dad on the day of his retirement? I would have beer-ly made it without you.
15. What did the chef tell his father when he came to his dad came to his restaurant? You are the rarest steak I have ever met.
Best One-Liner Dad Jokes
- “I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.”
- “A guy walks into a bar…and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.”
- “You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg.”
- “When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?”
- “I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know…”
- “Do you wanna box for your leftovers?” “No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
- “That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted.”
- “Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them.”
Dad Joke Getty
- “If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?”
- “What country’s capital is growing the fastest?” “Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.”
- “I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea.”
- “Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They’re making headlines.”
- “Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay, he woke up.”
- “A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food here.'”
- “I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn’t concentrate.”
- “I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.”
- “Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried yesterday but I mist.”
- “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”
- “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
- “I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.”
- “How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!”
- “I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”
- “Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.”
Dad Joke Getty
- “I’ve got a great joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.”
- “I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.”
- “I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!”
- “I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.”
- “You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.”
- “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
- “Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent.”
- “What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.”
- “What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.”
- “I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!”
- “What’s the best smelling insect?” “A deodor-ant.”
- “I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.”
- “Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!”
- “If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?”
- “I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.”
- “It takes guts to be an organ donor.”
- “If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?”
- “I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!”
- “I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.”
Best bad Dad Jokes
Let’s face it, all Dad jokes are bad, it’s just that some are much worse than others. Therefore this list is just the beginning, but we have started with the bad dad jokes below. Typically, these bad Dad jokes feature some awfully cringey puns about food day to day items or just general life.
Be prepared to read the list below, if you are not a middle aged Dad or man then you might not laugh at these… but this isn’t for you!
- Q: Why are balloons so expensive?A: Inflation.
- Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?A: Nacho cheese!
- Q: What side of a tree grows the most branches?A: The outside!
- Q: Why did an old man fall in a well?A: Because he couldn’t see that well!
- Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?A: A fsh.
- Q: What breed of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?A: Any breed of dog. Skyscrapers can’t jump.
- Q: Why are elevator jokes so good?A: They work on many levels.
- Q: Why are peppers the best at archery?A: Because they habanero.
- Q: Why did the computer get mad at the printer?A: Because it didn’t like its toner voice.
- Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?A: Because he Neverlands.
- Q: What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon?A: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
- Q: What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament?A: Live stream it.
- Q: Why did the broom decide to go to bed?A: It was very sweepy.
- Q: Why are nurses always running out of red crayons?A: Because they often have to draw blood.
- Q: Did you hear about the square that got into a car accident?A: Yeah, now he’s a rect-angle!
- Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?A: Toad.
- Q: How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?A: It is either one or the utter.
- Q: What’s red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint.
- Q: Why can’t you ever run through a campsite? A: You can only ran — it’s always past tents.
- Q: Why was the woman afraid for the calendar?A: She said its days were numbered.
- Q: Why is it hard to understand volunteers?A: Because they make no cents.
- Q: Why don’t astronomers like Orion’s Belt?A: It’s a big waist of space.
Rude and Dirty Dad Jokes
If you know us, you’d know we love rude cards, we even have a huge section of our shop dedicated to them. Every weekend you’ll find swarms of Dads going straight to the back of the shop to have a giggle at our rude cards.
We even have an article dedicated to rude jokes, but in this list we are focusing on rude dad jokes. This section might not be something you’ll put in your Dads father’s day card, but rather something that a wife or friend might include. We would definitely suggest you are careful with how you use these rude dad jokes.
- Q. Why are men like diapers? A. They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
- Q. What did one butt cheek say to the other? A. Together, we can stop this shit.
- Q. What kind of Bees produce milk? A. Boobees
- Q. What did the penis say to the condom? A. Cover me, I’m going in
- Q. What goes in hard and dry then comes out wet and soft? A. Chewing gum
- Q. What do you do with a year’s worth of used condoms? A. Melt them into a tire and call it a goodyear.
- Q. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? A. Thanks for coming!
- Q. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
- Q. How is a boyfriend/girlfriend like a laxative? A. They both irritate the shit out of you.
- Q. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? A. Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
- Q. What did the penis say to the vagina? A. Don’t make me come in there!
- Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? A. Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.
- Q. I asked my partner if I was the only one, she’s/he’s been with. A. She/he said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”
- Q. Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club. A. Thank you all for coming.
- Q. They say make up sex is the best… A. Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up
- Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest kids? A. Ask your mum!
- Q. Whats 72? A. 69 with three people watching.
“I Have a Joke About…” Dad Jokes
Sometimes, the greatest joke of all is when you explain why you refuse to tell the joke. Actually, your kids will always say it’s better when you refuse to tell the joke, but tell them these anyway.
- I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it’ll get a reaction.
- I have a joke about trickle-down economics, but 99% of you will never get it.
- I have a joke about kites, but it would just sail over your head.
- I have a scary joke about math, but I’m 2² to say it.
- I have a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
- I have a joke about time travel, but you guys didn’t get it.
- I have a joke about being an electrician, but it’s too shocking.
- I have a joke about hunting for fossils, but you probably wouldn’t dig it.
- I have a joke about a broken pencil, but it’s pointless.
- I have a joke about the flu, but I hope you don’t get it.
- I have a joke about statistics, but it’s not significant.
- I have a joke about pizza, but it’s too cheesy.
- I have a joke about immortality, and it never gets old.
- I have a joke about paper, but it’s tearable.
- I have a joke about drilling, but it’s boring.
- I have a few jokes about retired people, but none of them work.
- I have a joke about a broken clock, but it’s not the right time.
- I have a joke about butter, but I’m not going to spread it.
- I have a joke about inferiority complexes, but it’s not very good.
- I have a joke about procrastination, but I’ll tell it to you later.
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“Dad Likes” Poster
Happy Father’s Day quotes are a brilliant way to express what your dad means to you, and so is a personalized gift made just for him.
Use our personalized poster maker to make a poster that celebrates all the funny things about your dad and the things he likes.